"William Elliot, es-queer"

Last night we ate dinner at Abe and Arthur's and saw Billy Elliot. We really don't have any words to describe the Billy Elliot experience. Basically, Billy Elliot dances around, cross-dresses with his friend Michael, and sings about his "mum" a lot.

After the show, we met Keith at Faces and Names aka Faces of the Gnome and had a pretty low key night. The waitress was pretty wretched. Michele and I wanted to stiff her due to her wretchedness, but Dad (Keith) wouldn't allow it.

Today we went to Central Park, the Plaza, FAO Schwarz, and the Metropolitan Museum of Art. We ate lunch at the Oak Room in the Plaza where we each ordered a $20 bowl of soup. Yes, $20. No, it wasn't special soup. No, there were no diamond chips or flakes or gold floating around in the soup bowl. It was just mediocre soup.

At FAO Schwarz we found these dolls called "ugly dolls" and decided to take a picture holding the ugly doll that most resembled us. Just as the picture was being taken, some rando weird Asian girl grabbed an ugly doll and hopped in our picture. It is the best picture of the trip so far.

Tonight should get interesting.

Last Night

So Krystal finally made it to New York around 7. We started the night at Stanton Social where we ate a bunch of weird stuff and drank a lot of red wine. What weird stuff you ask- french onion soup dumplings and donuts with three different dipping sauces. Like I said, weird.

So after we finished dinner we headed to Rivington Hotel for drinks. We sat at a small table in the corner of the bar with three old guys. I'm talking like old. One had a mustache and one was bald with glasses. They were drinking Courvoisier. Next "Scott" walks up. Scott is also bald, but he isn't quite as old. Scott is a little shady, seems a little suspect. So of course, we invite him to come out with us.

We all piled into a cab and headed to Marquee. Shady Scott hooked us up and we skipped the line. Shady Scott also got us a table with bottle service and our own bodyguard. Yes, a bodyguard. The bodyguard, we'll call him Chocolate Hulk, insisted on holding our hands and leading us to the restroom. Even Keith. Chocolate Hulk even stomped out Michele's cigarettes for her. At one point, Michele and I went to the restroom and were probably in there for about 20 minutes as the restroom attendant chastised me for using something and not tipping. I was actually in the middle of digging around in my purse for a dollar TO TIP HER when the altercation began. It was odd. Anyway, after the 20 minute restroom break, we walked out, and sure enough Chocolate Hulk was still there waiting ready to grab our hands and lead us back to our table. If you ever want to feel like you are a big deal, hire a bodyguard for a day. I'm serious. It's bizarre.

This morning we woke up and all had the same thoughts about last night: WTF?

Michele's Word Vomit Volume 1

"Wow, look it is the United States Post Office!! That's pretty cool!"

"Michele, all post offices are United States Post offices. That's just a regular post office." - Keith


"When can we go see the Eiffel Tower?"

"Right after we see the London Bridge and the Pyramids." -Keith


"Three ways to my heart: red wine, cigarettes, and burritos."

5:45 am

Okay, so to fill all of you in: One day Michele and I were sitting at Fenians drinking a glass, well a few glasses of wine when Michele had a great idea. As Michele gulped her straight vodka, she slurred, "let;s go tonew yawk over chrristmass breaak." So I slurred back, "yeahh that;s aa gfeatr idea michiele and it sure beats charlie's idea to go to that cabin in TN and put us on an email list with 50 people that we don't know talking about Phish." So, with that said, our trip was in the works and our tickets were purchased. Fast forward to January and here we are at 5:45 am sitting in the Jackson airport. Thank god we are here- Michele was about 2 years late and we almost missed our flight. She must have driven around the parking lot about 5 times to find the "perfect" spot.. while I was in a state of panic.

So Michele is like "we're cool, we have time, we are going to be ok." and she was right- we made it to security. This was where we started being completely awkward, probably because we were disrespected and a bit violated. The security person confiscated Michele's boots and took some sort of sample like a swab of DNA (not kidding.) Later, she was instructed to lay on the conveyor and pass through the x-ray. it was weird.

We began our trip to New Jersey (because that's how we roll) by first flying to Charlotte, NC. We boarded a very tiny aircraft with the most awesome flight attendant. She truly was a gem. She basically hated me and let me know it. She treated me like I was a three year old and criticized every move I made. I sort of hated her back. Enjoy this lovely picture of us while we waited for our first flight.